I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
