Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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