I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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