I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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