Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
