This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
