Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
