We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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