john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize