My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
not ubering you a puppy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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