You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
