I seem to have left my pride at pride
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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