dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
