Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
