New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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