fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
