My room smells like vodka and shame
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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