Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
