I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
