I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
