So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
