I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
