Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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