she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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