Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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