Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
