I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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