I'm jealous of your bromance
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
