i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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