My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize