i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize