dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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