the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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