all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
