I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
