he shaved USA in his pubs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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