Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
