You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how does that bad decision feel?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
