Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
