Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
