Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
