He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
