I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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