You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
