What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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