The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
