those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
