watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize