Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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