Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
