I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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