I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
