He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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