No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
