I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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