3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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