i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize