We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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