Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He better not be in your backpack
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
