you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
