Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
