Please, let me fuck your mom
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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