I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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