We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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