Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
