do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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