im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
