i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
