insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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