Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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