the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
