I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
