Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
