this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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