69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
