she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize