i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
