she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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