just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
