Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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