Can Purell be used as lube?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
