just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
