I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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