ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
