Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
