Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So vagazzling was a success
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
