I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
