We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
