her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i will never coherently bang her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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