I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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