There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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