You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize