I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
