And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
