He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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