How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
